By Richard Thomas
1. Nobody Drinks Gin Neat: Not since the days of the Dickensian poor has neat, unadultered gin been a popular choice for a good drink. Nowadays only Clay Risen thinks gin is for straight drinking, but then again he also the guy who thinks Jim Beam White is hands down better than all craft whiskeys.
According to this unscientific poll by Imbibe, gin came in dead last as the favorite spirit to consume neat. Bourbon, Scotch and Rye combined garnered 62.7% of the votes, with Bourbon and Scotch taking first and second place. ‘Nuff said on this count.
2. If You Flavor Gin, It’s Premium. If You Flavor Whiskey, It’s Bottom Shelf: In both the EU and the US, the definition of gin boils down to neutral grain spirits flavored with juniper berries. Essentially, it is a form of flavored vodka, and we already know whiskey tops vodka. Beyond the basics, a big part of the current craze in premium gin is to flavor it further, either with more of the traditional botanicals or something else entirely, thereby producing a superior, premium product.
When you flavor whiskey, however, whiskey drinkers usually consider the result either a downmarket product or, at best, a variant on an existing brand that is not necessarily superior to the original. The message there, from both producers and consumers, is clear: flavoring even the best gin makes it better, while flavoring whiskey never does.
3. Gin Is Better In Cocktails Because It Lacks Flavor: Another commonality between vodka and gin is that they are both highly popular bases for cocktails, and for much the same reason. I won’t say gin is flavorless like vodka, because it’s not, but having a potent flavor profile of its own isn’t exactly gin’s strong suit.
4. Gin Might Be Wimpier: Gin was invented in the Netherlands and is a national drink in England, so it’s important to keep in mind that the minimum alcohol content for gin of all types in the EU is 37.5%, below the 40% minimum required of all whiskeys.
5. Being A Gin Nerd Makes You A Wanker: Most whiskey comes out of big, hefty oak barrels. Gin comes out of grandma’s perfume bottles. Or better still, put it into a native context, such as the British Isles. Who makes whiskey? The Irish, Welsh and Scots. Who makes gin? Those wankers down in England, and the English with balls drink whiskey instead.
I’m sending all my gin people here. Them’s fightin’ words, boss.
I don’t hate the Anglish. They’re just wankers! We’re ruled by effete, gin drinkin’ arseholes!