Peatageddon: The New Whisky Shortage

Peat, Used In Making Prized Whiskies, Is Running Out

By Richard Thomas

Drinkers scurried to buy up Islay single malts and other peated whiskies today as the Consolidated National News (CNN) revealed that whiskey was threatened by another dire shortage. Hard on the heels of the threats posed by new Chinese whisky drinkers, an American oak shortage, and the activities of speculative investors, whiskygeddon is now just around the corner as a resource vital in making some of the world’s most prized whiskies was revealed to be in short supply: peat.

Peat is composed of decayed vegetation, and is commonly found in bogs and mires. As a carbon-rich substance, peat is a fossil fuel, and in some regions of Scotland it is tradition to burn peat to warm the malted barley used to make Scotch whisky. Malt heated in this way acquires a smoky character along the way, becoming “peated.”

The problem is that peat, like whisky itself, is consumed far faster than it is replaced. “Even under the best conditions, a bog accumulates only a single millimeter of peat per year,” said Elliot Ponzi of Peat Energy Initiatives (PEI), a peat investment group. “The extraction of peat far, far exceeds its replacement, and this has been going on for centuries. At this rate, we’ll eventually run out of peat.”

“When the peat runs out, Islay single malts as we know them will follow,” said Boris Madoff, co-founder of a Hong Kong-based whisky investment firm. “That will make Islay whiskies, as well as other peated whiskies, very valuable. Very valuable indeed.”

The fear of a major shortage in prized whiskies has spread out of Scotland, and has even griped America. As word of an impeding shortage of peat spread, dozens of men eager to get in on the ground floor of an exciting opportunity have begun to scour the bogs of the State of Washington, carving huge chunks of peat out of the ground. This has posed a problem for Westward Distillery, who harvests peat from a private bog for their American malt whiskey.

“We own our bog and it’s private property,” said Mark Hartman, distiller at Westward. “These guys looking to cash in trespass on our property and steal our peat! We have had to hire a watchman to keep them away.”

5 comments

  1. Good try for April Fool’s day joke!

  2. This is an April Fool’s joke, but unfortunately some out have tried to start a scare using peat already:

    http://www.slate.com/articles/life/drink/2013/04/the_end_of_peat_is_scotch_drinkers_favorite_flavor_running_out.html

  3. Sadly, it seems there is a real “end of peat” on the horizon for Islay. I doubt very much it means an end of peat for Islay whisky, though. I wouldn’t be surprised if the others don’t do what Diageo is doing.

    https://blog.thewhiskyexchange.com/2015/04/no-more-peaty-whisky-from-islay/

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